Mental Health and Grief Article

It’s a long one lol…

The trigger for first having to think about my mental health was when I was 22, after losing my little sister, Mollie, who was 20 years old. I didn’t reach out to anyone professionally because at the time I was so naïve, and I guess ignorant. While I thought I was dealing with it – I wasn’t. I really had no clue what was happening to me. I didn’t understand what the words anxiety, depression and post traumatic stress disorder (‘PTSD’) truly meant at that time. Before then, anytime I heard those words, I ignorantly dismissed them as a taboo subject, and something that I never gave much thought to. I was a “happy, upbeat, and positive person” and had no time in my life to feel bad or sad. In hindsight, I’ve learnt this was super unhealthy as I was suppressing my emotions and fundamentally in denial that anything was wrong. 

It was just before the first anniversary of losing Mollie that I hit breaking point. It’s safe to say I went into a severve downward spiral pretty quickly.

Everyone around me seemed to be getting on with their lives. No one was stopping, so why should I? I didn’t reach out to my family properly. Of course, we shared tears and hugs, but I didn’t want to let them know how bad I was really struggling as the months went on, because I knew how bad they were also feeling. I really felt like such a burden to everyone. I didn’t want to add to the weight of their grief. What good is everyone being miserable and sad – someone has to be strong and carry on. No good us all falling apart. That was my mentality at the time, and with it came this enormous and overwhelming amount of pressure. It was pressure that I had wrongly put on myself. People would say to me all the time ‘but you’re so strong, you’ll get through this. You’re a strong person, it’ll be ok.’ While these are natural things to say, they really got to me; a) because I was strong minded in the past and now suddenly I had to live up to this expectation and I couldn’t and; b) because I couldn’t believe how weak and immobilising I felt inside. I remember wanting to scream at people ‘how can you not see that I’m a complete mess inside?!’ I hated that internal/external illusion and paradox. Even my closest family and friends found it difficult to tell. This is the crux of the issue with mental health. You never really can tell. People can look absolutely fine on the outside but be in utter turmoil on the inside. 

My housemates were probably the first to notice that things were really bad. I couldn’t stop doing stuff. Anything to distract myself from having to face my true feelings, because to be honest I didn’t know how to. I was over exercising; training for the London marathon whilst performing in a show. I was over-exerting myself to a level which was unsustainable, which ultimately resulted in a pretty bad injury. I was forced to stop. I was devastated as exercising and running had become my crutch and outlet for the grief I was carrying but hadn’t yet recognised. I now had no distraction, and the enforced stillness through my injury left me with too much time to come to terms with my reality. I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept that after losing my sister, I had also now lost the two things that had always helped me overcome obstacles in the past. Performing and exercise. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I no longer had a purpose. My sense of identity was being shaken. Up until that point I was doing well in auditions, and could feel myself breaking through and getting closer to ‘my dreams’ at the time. My perception was that I had ruined it all by injuring myself. I only had myself to blame. I started waking up in panic and extreme anxiety, not understanding it for what it was. I had my first really bad panic attack and remember feeling so out of control with it. It scared me so much. I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t catch my breath and honestly felt like I was suffocating. I remember ringing my mum and begging her to come down to London and take me home. I guess this was the first point that I surrendered into the panic and blackness that was consuming me.

Mum took me home and I went straight to bed. For the next year and a half everything was a dark blur. I slept for more than 24 hours at a time, only getting up to use the toilet and eat food sometimes. To put a ‘label’ or two on it, I had complete adrenal fatigue, burn out, PTSD, crippling anxiety and a deep depression I didn’t even know was possible. All caused by unprocessed emotions. My whole body and mind had completely shut down. I didn’t know much about medication for treating these at the time, but I remember strongly not wanting to take any when people advised me to. It had got to a point where I honestly didn’t care. I didn’t care what happened to me. The only time I wasn’t in pain, physically or mentally, was when I was sleeping. So all I did was sleep. I physically didn’t have the energy to do anything else.

I think what triggered me to take the first anti depressant was when I over heard my mum crying about the state I was in. Although I didn’t care at all about myself, or what happened to me, if I could show that I pretended to care maybe it would help make mum less sad. That’s the only reason I started on the tablets. Literally within half an hour I had a horrific reaction to them. I experienced extreme paranoia and spun into one of the worst panic attacks of my life. It’s hard to describe really… I Just remember feeling like I was being sucked away if that makes any sense. Like I was going. Like a light bulb going out I guess. I had nothing left and something inside just switched off. I had always been really sensitive to medication, particularly since contracting severe Dengue Fever a few years back, which weakened my immune system. 

I remember being so emotionally scarred from that experience after taking that first tablet, that I was scared stiff and refused to take any more. So I went back to bed. I had cut off contact with everyone. My friends. Work emails. Social media. I just couldn’t face it. I remember at this point barely even speaking. From the reaction to taking the first set of tablets, I’d become so anxious. Even trying to get words out was a huge effort and my voice would literally stutter and shake when I tried to speak. This is a very common symptom in people who have experienced any form of trauma. 

Refusing to take any more tablets and with no desire to take any steps to “get better” I was stuck and completely numb. 

Eventually mum dragged me to the doctors again where they assured me that a different set of anti-depressants at a much lower dosage might help. Again the only thing that made me take them was the hope on Mum’s face that this might work. It was still nothing to do with me wanting to get out of my situation or to help myself.

I can’t say I ever had suicidal thoughts, I knew I couldn’t do that. Mum had lost Mollie and I couldn’t do that to her. It was just at that point in time I couldn’t face life and I couldn’t bare or accept the pain of grief anymore.

Over time the tablets, while making me void of any emotion, were at least taking the edge off the severe anxiety. I started to attend family events and occasionally would have some of my close friends to come round and watch a film with me. I still wouldn’t talk much, if at all. I felt that if it made them feel good by trying to do something to help me, then it was bearable. But I was just distant for the most part. Stuck in a funk. I remember feeling this constant shaking from the inside out, like my nervous system was all wired back to front. 

Fast forward 18 months. Having been reluctantly dragged from one counsellor to the other and different forms of talking therapies (both NHS and private) and still on medication, I went on a holiday with a friend and wanted to come off my tablets. I was incredibly nervous to go on this trip and almost didn’t as it was a big step considering I still barely left the house. By this point I had researched anti-depressants to the hilt and educated myself on how there is a risk that they can damage and re-wire your brain. I’ve always hated the side effects of any medicine and hated the thought of having to rely on medication. (Side note: they work for some people and have helped lots of people – this is just my personal journey and my personal views). They made me feel like the tablets had control over me and I hated that. I had heard that so many people are on meds for their whole life and I just found that so sad and something deep inside me just knew that it wasn’t the way for me. Knowing that it was unsafe to come off them by abruptly stopping them, I started to wean myself of them without telling anyone. It seemed to be working so I started taking them less and less when I was on holiday. In short, this caused a massive adverse reaction and I had an episode of serotonin syndrome, which is an overload of serotonin. Serotonin is sometime called the happy chemical, because it contributes to individual wellbeing and happiness. My natural levels of serotonin had started to slowly come back from the enjoyment of being on holiday, but I was still on a high dosage of the tablets which already contain high levels of serotonin. It was kind of like a breakdown, but it was actually such a breakthrough for me. It was a really scary time, but I now know this was something I had to go through that was a crucial part of my healing. I had to go to hospital for a week after the holiday to get my meds back on track and levelled out. But something inside me had changed. It truly felt as if tiny pieces of me that had been lost for the past year were slowly coming back and my past wounds were being  healed through this experience. It was such a poignant few weeks in my life and I always see my life now as before and after that trip. Something in me had been restored and I could breathe again. I could talk about this experience in so much more detail, but we would be here forever! but all in all, it was a tumultuous journey into to depths of my own inner psyche that taught me so much and brought me back to life. 

I was slowly weaned off of the meds sensibly this time. Deep down I knew I didn’t need them anymore. I had found or remembered my self worth and found a place of peace inside that I can honestly say I had never felt before, even before Mollie passed. It’s been two years, and I haven’t been on any type of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety tablets. Meditation, yoga, tapping techniques, NLP (neuro linguistic programming) work, taking life slow at my own pace, doing lots of inner work on myself, helping other people, trusting and having faith in the healing process and Mollie’s magic along the way 💫💖 has literally saved my life. I have a lot of people to thank for standing by me through it all. 

Do I think the performance industry had a part to play in the deterioration of my mental health? Yes. A huge part. I thought performing was the be-all and end-all. Despite losing my sister I felt that I couldn’t fall behind through grief and had to keep pressing on. There’s no patience in the audition process for unforeseen circumstances. Then when I couldn’t exercise or perform due to injury I quite literally had no idea what to do with my life. I felt so lost. I had no purpose and felt so unworthy.  After losing Mollie and then suffering the complex issues of anxiety and depression, the performing industry played its part throughout in exacerbating my issues but now also in healing me too. Back then, the industry had definitely taken its toll on me and I was at breaking point with it. The culmination of: not knowing what you’re doing from week to week, comparison to others, audition stress, never having enough money, putting so much time and energy into preparation for auditions and getting nothing back in return, being replaceable, rejection after rejection, sacrificing family time, and so on. All the challenges which all performers face.

Having learnt so much about myself personally and professionally, performing in the industry didn’t have to be half as stressful as I had built it up to be. Without belittling the unique stress the industry entails. It’s just there is so much more to life to be discovered and there are ways of working in the industry in a healthy way. You just have to find a way that works for you. Stress is unavoidable in all aspects of life and I’m thankful now that I have the coping strategies I didn’t back them. Whilst I haven’t performed professionally in a long while, I still absolutely love to dance, sing and write. It’s all been a massive part of my healing process and incredibly cathartic. I don’t take any of it for granted. I go to dance classes now to just enjoy the music and express myself. It’s a basic life force for me, and so many people, and that’s something that is your birth right and something that no one can ever take away from you. It truly is a gift.

This mindset shift is reflected in the performance industry itself – changes are happening in the industry, especially the commercial dance industry, with efforts being made to create more safe spaces for performers to train and express themselves with no judgement and just pure celebration and encouragement of their talent. It’s so magical to see and be part of. I truly believe that vulnerability is key and once we peel back the mask and realise that we all go through storms and that people are going through them daily, then we are all better equipped to help build each other up. Everyone has capacity to be kind, non-judgemental and help one another, and in so doing, can give other people permission to do the same. If you can do so, we can all take the weight off our own shoulders and those of friends around us and help everyone shine their own light. We’re better together and I feel much more comfortable in classes now. This feeling will go from strength to strength for all, if everyone as a collective continues to come together to help make positive changes across the industry. This page for mental health awareness can be a powerful trigger for such change. May these transformations in the industry long continue. 

It’s the isolation that comes with feeling so down that can have you feel like a burden to this world and a lot of the time that it what drives people to Suicide. Just knowing that someone  else truly understands can go along way. We’re all human at the end of the day and share the same emotions, we just experience them all differently in our own unique way. 

Your authenticity is your biggest super power and no one can take that away from you. 

Super Nervous to post this. I can be shy, introverted and weird sometimes… (wonderfully weird of course tee hee) But if I decide to post this it’s been really cathartic to write out and if it helps at least one person, by putting it out into cyber space, then that’s all I could ever hope for. 💗

Heart over ego always. 💗

– LJB x

 

Sent from my iPhone

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I once knew a girl…

I once knew a girl

with constellations painted on her soul

and starlight

running through her heart

I always wondered what she was doing

when she looked up to the sky

with longing in her eyes

as if it was the only place

she could possibly belong.

I thought maybe she was living in a world

entirely her world

that she was stuck

in her imagination

but i was wrong

she was living in a world

far bigger than this earth.

she belonged amount the stars

the planets

and the galaxies.

 

people asked me where she went why she left and never came back

in time i only smiled

for they would never understand

where she really disappeared to

but i know

what happened that night

when she left forever-

she finally returned home.

-G.S

BPV Virus – Monica Barton

What a week!
I became an employee of the NHS back in 1980, October ’80 to be precise. This week the NHS
celebrated its 70th birthday. Many would agree the NHS is in crisis whilst others are optimistic of the extra money being promised to rescue it. I however can not keep silent any longer. There is something I feel compelled on a personal, moral and professional level to share with you and I hope you pass it on to all you know.
I do not mean to alarm any of you but there is a virus which is highly infectious and contagious that is not being talked about enough, yet it has been around for a long time. Much is known about this virus yet little information is passed on or shared. It has various strains and it can be transmitted via air, blood,touch, sexually transmitted, it present at the moment of conception and can cross the placenta barrier,surviving throughout one’s life and even after death.
What is so different about this virus is that unlike HPV, Pneumonia or Aids this virus does not kill. There is no cure once this virus has taken hold and it symptoms are many, ranging from increased heart and breathing rate, over production of adrenaline and various other hormones and chemicals. It can affect all organs of the body. Given the right conditions this virus has the potential to cause a Worldwide Epidemic! It does not discriminate between age, gender, colour or creed. This virus is the BPV virus. Its origins stem back thousands of years. It’s common name is B Positive Vibe Virus. You may have already heard of it. Once spread it is highly contagious, infectious and has the potential to not only be life changing but can also save lives.
It is my intention, and I would love it to be your goal too actually know it is my dream to spread this BPV as much as we can and as fast as we can! We all can get involved, young and old and guess what ..it’s free!
The reason this virus is very close to my heart is, not only was I moved to tears this week by the miraculous Tham Luang Cave Rescue but also as many of you already know my daughter Mollie passed away in April 2015 whilst waiting for a Liver Transplant. She didn’t get her second chance of life and my faith in God, the Universe, a force of energy much greater than us,( whatever your persuasion) called Mollie home. She had such a beautiful soul and I believe still has, her energy is and love is eternal. As painful as it is on a daily basis to carry on life without Mollie( and I know I speak for her sister too) we are so privileged to have shared Mollie’s life for 20 years. She taught us so much about life, more than any book or Post Graduate Degree could teach us. She taught us about the simplest most beautiful values of life. She would not want her family, friends to be sad for too long. Because Mollie hated sadness, she wanted everyone to get on in the world. She hated injustice and always stood up for the underdog. She was full of forgiveness.She hated to be the centre of attention yet she was because she was different. Her Liver disease she was born made her skin jaundiced, her teeth yellow. She hated being different, like so many teenagers she wanted to fit in. She has more than her fair share of struggles in her all too short life. Yet despite this Mollie was known and loves for her infectious laugh. It is imprinted in my soul ( and on a tattoo on her sister Lauren’s arm)!
I know in my heart and soul that she would want her legacy to be one of positivity and laughter. That is why her sister Lauren set up the B positive campaign with Mollie while she was waiting for her transplant. Today this campaign carries on in fundraising for the Children’s Liver Disease Foundation.
We want Laughter, Positivity to be Mollie’s Legacy. Her laugh was highly infectious and contagious, she was kindness personified and in the face of adversity she found so much love and joy in helping many others with their struggles.
It was the news headlines this week, the positive uplifting headlines of England getting through to the semi finals of the world cup, that uplifted us as a nation. There was so much hope joy and love in the atmosphere you could almost taste it! As I do every day, I thought of Mollie and her B Positive vibes. There were many other positive headlines for a change with uplifting positive stories amidst the usual doom and gloom of Brexit, the country being in a mess, and disastrous new rail timetable! The England team had given the country something to cheer about, a sense of pride and hope.Everyone (well ok, most of us) came together. There were street parties up and down the country, BBQ’s were organised at the last minute in the glorious sunshine of the hottest Summer in 30years! The sunshine and the world cup fever seemed to bring a sense of unity and r celebration and hope, well that was until Wednesday when Croatia dampened England fans

dreams at home, in Russia and around the globe. But “the lads did us proud” was what most people were saying. The young team have instilled hope for 2022 World Cup! Where is this all going I hear you ask!!!!
Thailand
The greatest headline of this week was without doubt the miraculous story of the Tham Luang Cave Rescue where 12 boys and their football coach were all brought to safety against all odds.Sadly one Cave Diver paid the ultimate price and sacrificed his life for a group of strangers. People with expert diving skills and experience in human disasters came together from all around the world to be involved in an incredible act of courage, love and compassion for their fellow man. They weren’t building walls, there was no talk of immigrants, it didn’t matter the age, gender , colour or creed. These strangers saved the lives of 13 people in the most dangerous and treacherous conditions. It must NEVER be forgotten.
There have been many many heroic rescues over time, in particular the last couple of years from emergency services and ordinary people just going about their daily lives. What was so different about this rescue was not only were there children involved but they survived in the darkest of caves for 2 weeks before they were found by 3 English divers, 3 days after they went missing. IT Consultant and Scout Leader John Volanthen was the first voice the boys heard. A team of international divers collaborated with the Thai Navy Seals. Dozens of divers were involved in the rescue, both Thai and foreign, with one common goal…… to save as many lives as possible whilst putting their own at risk. A true act of humanity, bravery, courage and kindness.
My reason for writing this post is to ask all of you to not just share this post, but please please copy and paste, email it, do whatever you can to spread this B Positive Virus. Let’s see how far around the globe it gets, not for a social media exercise but to contaminate as many people as possible with this virus and watch its effects in our own homes, schools, hospitals, workplace, on transport, shops, airports,prisons, on our streets….. everywhere we come into with another human being.
Why? Because we are all participants in the greatest race of all, the Human Race.
Why? Because there is too much hatred in this world. Man is destroying this beautiful planet yet it needn’t be so. There is a virus that is stronger than any action or words of anger or hatred.
Why? Because Positivity attracts Positivity, it is the Law of Attraction.What the thinker thinks the Prover proves (thanks Trevor!)
It is impossible to say a kind word whilst being angry, it is impossible to show an act of kindness whilst full of hate. If we all finished our work, our meals, our shopping, our days with a kind word, a smile, a hug, a laugh, these B positive Vibes have the potential not only to make the other person feel good as it releases endorphins and dopamine, the feel good chemicals into our bloodstream which will enrich our lives, but both the giver and the receiver feel the benefits. One small act of kindness can literally be the difference that makes the difference, the butterfly effect, where a tiny movement of a butterfly’s wings in one part of the world has the potential to cause a change in atmospheric conditions in another.
We can’t all be Cave Divers performing miraculous rescues but we can all spread some B positive vibes in our lives. Yes “getting by with a little help from our friends” as the NHS song says is a beautiful motto to have, but smiling at a stranger, offering a sandwich to a homeless person, sending a kind txt or email to someone you haven’t seen in a while, contacting someone who is isolated, lonely or depressed, saying sorry to someone you’ve hurt or left on angry terms with, counting our blessings and showing gratitude rather than compiling about what we haven’t got.
I am cringing at the thought i may be coming across patronising to some,I promise you that is not my intent. I am so utterly passionate about this virus and also desperate to believe that Mollie’s memory will live on. Live on in her Legacy of Laughter, Love and Kindness. Laughter is after all the best medicine of all.
Please help us to spread this Be Positive Vibe (BPV) virus not only in Mollie’s memory bit also in the memory of the Tham Lang Caves rescue,the Thai diver Saman Gunan 38 who gave up his life for others and all those who have lost their lives whilst helping others and for those rescued, in the hope that they will in time go on to live healthy and fulfilled lives, inspired in the knowledge their lives were saved by acts of immense Kindness, Love and Compassion. Like these young boys it is often in the darkest of times we find the true light of our being.

So let’s spread the B Positive Vibe Virus and all its many strains, a smile, a hug, a kind word, a touch, a look, a Laugh…..they are all contagious. Let’s make July 10th a National B Positive Day, lets get this virus going viral until it becomes our daily practice. My dream would be to get World leaders, Politicians, Heads of States anyone in positions of power and authority to start spreading this virus and help make 10th July a Worldwide B Positive Day! I hope to organise B Positive Walks in the month of October to celebrate Mollie’s 24th Birthday this year, watch this space as they too could become viral, So to all my family and friends in Ireland, UK and further afield around the globe, let’s get this B Positive Vibe Party started!!!!
I had a dream ……………
Lots of B positive Vibes to all xxxxx

Acceptance. Down By Your Grave…

Something that played on my mind over and over…

I couldn’t bear being the one out of us two who got a ‘good life’ without having to endure the amount of suffering you went through, it wasent fair to me that you had to suffer so much on earth and although yes I did suffer as we all do in some way/form dimension or another, it just didn’t seem fair to me that at the time you had to go through so much more suffering in your human life than I had ever gone through.
Subconsciously until I had suffered as much as you and until I fully understood your suffering, nothing on this earth In my human form mattered. Even if it was supossed to be the happiest day of ‘my life’ it wasent. The guilt of feeling happy without you there always caved in on me and gobbled me up in the end. Just how sisters would fight and get childishly jealous but in complete reverse. I was jealous for you that you were not alive in your body anymore. I was numb of all emotion until I would move no more. Stubborn as hell, without being shown your path and journey.

Thank you thank you thank you. The gratitude I have now for life is immense.
Now I have been shown and know every single feeling right down to the very atom and molecule from which that feeling evolved from,
I understand you and in understanding you, your spirit your soul, your humanity I understand so much more than I ever could have imagined about myself and human nature, and I will use it. By god I will use it for the rest of my time here on earth in human form.

And when my time comes to transition out of human form… well I am no longer afraid for I have already been there and done so, all because of you, my soul sister, my spirit sister, the other half of me, 💗

I am free of my demons because of you ……….💗💗💗💗💗💟⚛️💟⚛️💟⚛️

My Sister My Mollie B 🤗🤗

 

I believe this was the last stage of my grief for mollie, the acceptance stage 🤗

Me and my family celebrated her 23rd by the beach down in Cornwall this October and sent her a message out to sea in a bottle.

It was so beautiful,  peaceful, profound and poignant… knowing her energy lives on and is so powerful and attainable to us and everyone else, fills us with the deepest sense of inner contentment and peace 💗 and hopefully spreads a sense of hope and eternity to all those we know and love 💗

1st Year On…

Tomorrow marks 1 whole year without Mollie. Wow, where does the time go? It’s hard to describe how We feel. We feel numb, like it might be too painful to let ourself  feel what tomorrow really means. 

Rather than life getting easier, the void left in our lives has become more obvious as time has moved on. We’ve learnt new rhythms, and new routines but we just miss the old ones that had Mollie in them and want them back. Living a life without her is endlessly painful, but is necessary and we’ve learnt to muddle through. It still feels like a struggle. Every birthday, party, celebration and now anniversary has a missing person and I don’t think that feeling ever really leaves you.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day. Family are coming over and we’re heading to church and down to the river in the evening to be together on the moment Mollie died. 

Life hasn’t gotten better, but we’re learning to cope and that’s the best we can do for now. We are continuously grateful for the love and support around us, it keeps us going. 

Forever in our thoughts, not a day goes by where you aren’t in our heart Miss Mollie B. 

Love you endlessly always and forever. 

Always B+ 

Lauren and Mon X X x x 

Another first … Mother’s Day to a very Special Mumma ❤️

To the most incredible woman I know, my rock, my world, I can honestly say I do not know where I would be without you, your strength, courage resilience and kindness through everything over the years inspires me in all that I do… A mother like no other, although we are missing our 3rd wee musketeer today I know she is sending down lots of love and laughter to be had at the dinner table tonight, just like we always did 🙏☺️ you truly are one of the most amazing human beings I’m privileged to know and so so proud to call you my Mumma and best friend, I am forever indebted to you Mumma ❤️

from one crazy Irish gal who ‘gets it form her ridiculously beautiful crazy Irish Mumma’ 😝 may our craziness live on and continue to try to always B+!

Kisses, bear hugs and positive vibes can’t wait to see you later! 
Happy Mothers Day! 

Lauren and Angel Mollie

❤ 

   
    
    
    
    
    
  

 
   
 

Running Update… Sad times 😖🙄

hey guys, 

So it seems I have been putting off writing an update for quite sometime. Probably because I have been in total denial about my current situation and hoped that I wouldn’t have to write anything but positive updates about our progress and training for the Half and full marathon. I have had to pull out of the Marathon and currently stop running altogether at the moment due to a repetitve Injury in my foot (tendon damage) I am absoloutly devestated and heartbroken. Running was the one of the many sports thats that has helped me through so much over the past years and really helped me challenge my focus and release a lot of pent up energy and frustration when going through hard times with Wee Mollie. ‘Run for those who can’t” was, and still is our motto!

 I hope to be back fighting fit in no time with lots of physio and a great rehabilitation programme, but for now running is out of the question,and instead lots of rest and TLC is what my body is crying out for as it seems I’m quite good at over training and not knowing when to stop 🙈 eeeks! I hope to be able to race in the London Marathon for this Amazing Charity again next year fingers crossed! I am still so so proud to say that Gorgeous Clare is still acing the training and is taking part in the Brighton Half Marathon this weekend in prep for the full whammey in April! what a gal! she has been incredible and so driven and determined in her training as has really gone for it! for someone who once didn’t like running.. the tables have now turned as she has managed to build up a ridiculous amount of milage and is streaks ahead and more than prepared and ready for this Challenge! I am gutted that I wont be running alongside you this year girle, but I will be right there with you in spirit cheering you on Sunday and at the half and in April! I shall see you at the finish line with doughnuts cakes and all things sugar! and a big fat hug! 

Mollie’s spirit lives within all who knew her, and will be guiding and cheering you on all the way girle! I just know it! I can feel it in my soul even more so now than ever 🙂 

Another great big thank you for all your amazing and generous donations! 

since it is only Clare running, our target is now £2000, we are almost there but still have more time and every penny counts! 

please continue to donate and help support this incredible charity and Miss Clare Stevens in this extremely courageous challenge which she is Acing! so so incredibly proud of you girle!
photos form sunday to come 😀

Always B+ and believe in better days

Nothing happens before its time”

“Nothing is ever permermant”

“This too shall pass”

peace and love 

Lauren 😘✌🏿️